窪蹋勛圖厙s can provide fuel for romance, but only if you know how to take what you learned in the mountains back home. Just ask Paddy O���Connell. Paddy loves two things: fresh pow, and his wife, Carly. On their one-year wedding anniversary, the cutest couple in all of the outdoors ventured to Portillo, Chile to contemplate their affection for skiing and each other. And eat great food. And get massages. And hike to powder so they could eat more great food. Then came the hard part: holding onto those feelings when it was all over.

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I got dumped last April. Technically, we were never really together���in the blurred lines of the dating world today, we were exclusive, meaning we weren���t seeing anyone else, but he refused the title ���boyfriend.��� After three months of acting like he was my boyfriend, he did what everyone is frustratingly entitled to do���he changed his mind.

When something like this happens, I turn to the women in my life. First I called my sister, Cricket. There���s nothing more validating than hearing her tell me I���m smart and beautiful and deserving of love. After her I spoke to my friends. I live in Bozeman, Montana, with two wildly independent, hilarious women, and our stories of dating ski instructors, hunters, and backcountry firefighters could easily fill a book. Finally, I reached out to my mom, Kris, who reminded me that there is in fact a book that explores the frustrations of dating this type of man���a book written by one of my literary heroes. As I cried, my mom said, ���Just think of all the duds Pam Houston dated.���

, Houston���s 1992 debut, is a collection of fictional stories based on her personal experiences in the American West. My mom gave me her copy a few years ago, just before I went through my first real breakup. The stories are written from the perspectives of various brave, smart women, all of whom pursue relationships with wild men. There���s a reckless river junkie who puts the narrator���s life in danger on a Class V rapid, a bristly hunter who one woman follows deep into the woods of Alaska, and a sweet rancher who takes a woman dancing. The men in the book, too unrestrained to settle down, never commit to the narrators and eventually leave them feeling empty. I am familiar with the scenario.

Thirty-one years after it came out, Cowboys still feels relevant, perhaps even more so than when it first appeared. These days women fill mountain towns, attracted by the lifestyle that comes from living near ski resorts, raging rivers, and formidable crags. We feel more welcome in these outdoor communities than our predecessors did decades ago. Some of us are also attracted to the men who live in them; for better and worse, I���m personally drawn to the ones who refuse to settle down. And like Houston���s characters, I often surrendered my power in a relationship, sacrificing my wants and needs to the man in my life. One of my salvations is Houston���s writing. Her books are a reminder to define myself by my own untamed nature, not by the flaky men I date.

An avalanche of websites and social media posts tell women that our situation has improved in traditional heterosexual relationships. Men are more tuned in to their emotions, and women no longer feel the old pressures to marry in their twenties. We have funny new lingo to help us understand dating pitfalls, terms like breadcrumbing, exclusive, and, of course, ghosting. (Breadcrumbing means to lead somebody on with small, inconsistent validations that ultimately go nowhere. If you didn���t already know that, congratulations.) In a mountain town, the lopsided ratio of men to women places power in women���s hands���allegedly. So why have I and almost all my girlfriends experienced the same ���heterosexual blues��� again and again? (That term is from a review of Cowboys, by the way.)

In fact, as I reread Houston���s collection for the seventh time after my April breakup, I had a new question: Has nothing changed for women in mountain towns? In October, I called her to discuss the dynamic���and to find out if the cowboys she wrote about decades ago will ever change.

In some ways, we agreed that the expectations placed on men and women have not shifted dramatically since the nineties. By and large, men will always be forgiven for perfecting their sports or risking their lives outdoors. Usually, women don���t get the same slack. After big-mountain skier Hilaree Nelson died on 26,781-foot Manaslu in 2022, some online commenters criticized her because she left children behind.

���Men are always excused for loving the wilderness or loving adventure or loving whatever more than the woman,��� Houston said. ���Women aren���t excused for that, even though I know many, many women for whom all their major life decisions are based on how much they want to be outside and how much they want to be free to do their sport.��� That perspective rings true: I still feel compelled to elevate my relationships over my outdoor passions, and I���m privileged to be surrounded by progressive, feminist friends and family.

But there���s one major difference between the nineties and today. Houston told me that she remembers thinking back then: I don���t want to be as good as them���I just want to be good enough so they don���t notice I���m here. ���That���s not someone who wants to be president or summit a mountain,��� she told me. ���It���s someone who doesn���t want to threaten the egos at the top of the food chain so they get to participate.��� Houston said that in those days she didn���t want men to feel like they���d compromised their outdoor experience by inviting her along. Thirty years later, she laments the mindset. ���That was me saying those words, making those choices, and not saying, ���Fuck you. I ski better than you,��������� she said. ���Here I am at 61 and I���m like, What? How many diminishments are there in that one sentence?���

Houston���s comments remind me of the opportunities I now have in the outdoors���ones that previous generations of women may have lacked. Today, when I ski at Bridger Bowl, I���m usually joined by four or five girlfriends. We don���t think twice about bombing down slopes faster than the dudes. We don���t compete with each other when we���re skiing together, because we feel secure in our own abilities. I credit this to Houston and the other women who entered male-dominated outdoor spaces decades ago.

At one point in the book, Houston talks to two young women in the thick of dating. One asks Houston how she learned to retain her independence in relationships. Houston responds: ���I realized I could make my own life. I could have my own ranch. I finally realized I could be the cowboy.��� The scene reminded me of the times when I gave my power away to a partner. Times when I didn���t share my opinion for fear he wouldn���t like it. I was also reminded of the times I did voice an opinion and got a negative reaction.

After each breakup, I realized it didn���t really matter what I said or whether I voiced my feelings. Reading Houston helped the fog lift and reminded me that what I love most about myself has nothing to do with how men react to my opinions. I���m the cowboy I���m in love with.

Last spring I helped edit a new essay Houston wrote for 窪蹋勛圖厙. At the time, I was still trying to get past my April breakup. Her piece, ���Ride the Good Witches,��� reminded me of my own wildness and how much I cherish it, despite the persistent worry that maybe I���m not interesting or funny or smart enough. It���s about Icelandic horses, which Houston has been riding���in Iceland���in pursuit of physical and spiritual reawakening after a terrible struggle with long COVID. The horses reminded her of the freedom that still exists in us all.

My eyes watered when I read a few lines that described how she could never ask a rowdy mare to fully trust her, because that would mean giving away part of herself. ���I want her to trust me just enough so we can go fast together, but never so much that her dauntless spirit is true to anything but itself.���

While I���m not as fierce and steadfast as an Icelandic horse, I too have a dauntless spirit I can���t afford to lose���and I���m sure a cowboy in a mountain town feels the same way. And sometimes women who pursue outdoor passions need reminding that we also deserve to cultivate our wildness. So fuck you, cowboy, I ski better than you.

I quit my New York job, landed at 窪蹋勛圖厙, and moved to Colorado before relocating to New Mexico and finally Montana. These days I spend half my summer nights under big starry skies in the backcountry, and I spend winter days skiing with my girlfriends. I drink beer while floating down rivers alongside boys I have no romantic interest in. I make rash decisions with the little money I earn, like buying an expensive mountain bike that I ride down sketchy trails. At work I edit stories for a magazine and website, a job that has brought me the kind of professional joy I haven���t felt since I was a ski coach in high school. When I���m feeling inadequate, I go car camping alone, and I write about how I think love might be the way I feel when the dusk light makes a lake look splintered against a backdrop of evergreen trees, and that my life has become more than I could ever ask for.

Sometimes it takes a jolt like a breakup (or several) to crack open our hearts and remind us of the important truths. The cowboys I date are fundamentally the same as the ones from 30 years ago���it���s we women who���ve changed. Turns out it���s no longer about the cowboys at all. Houston went through hell and back to realize this after Cowboys was published. And, once again, so have I.

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The flakes are falling, the lifts are spinning, and skiers and snowboarders are settling back into their routines���and their slopeside habits, good and bad. As a skier who has spent winters while single at Bridger Bowl, Taos, Sugar Bowl, and beyond, I’ve learned that the ski hill is a pretty good place to find a date and a great place to decide if my latest crush is worth my time. You can learn a lot about a person based on how they behave on the mountain. If you’re scoping out potential honeys at the resort, you need to be on your best behavior. I’ve observed enough horrendous���and charming���ski behavior to last a lifetime, so for the greater good of snow-oriented single folks, I’ve compiled some of my greatest hits���and ���into a helpful list.

I’ve organized them into two categories: smash and pass. An attribute or person that���s attractive is a ���smash;��� one that isn���t, ���pass.��� Think of it as turn-ons and turn-offs when it comes to on-hill etiquette, style, and overall vibes. I bring you: Smash or Pass: The Ski (or Snowboard) Edition.

Putting in the effort to decide together which runs to ski

It���s annoying to be dragged around the mountain by someone who doesn���t ask where you want to go, and it���s just as annoying to make all the decisions for a ski buddy who���s ���fine with whatever.��� It might not seem like a big deal, but collaborative decision-making processes are hot.

Blasting a speaker on the lift

Nothing against music, I just want the option to not listen to yours.

Wearing a helmet泭

What can I say, safety is sexy. Even more so if 聆棗喝���r梗 wearing the goggles over, not under (don���t @ me).

Unless we’ve been dating for a very long time, asking me to follow behind you with my phone while you hit jumps is showing off泭at best and condescending at worst. I don���t care how cool your cork 180 is, I���m not your videographer.

Wanting to lap the baby park

I don���t want to film your cork 180, but I���ll suck at my own 360 with you at the baby park any time of the day.

Gear-splaining

Gear-splaining is like mansplaining,泭but about gear (people of all genders can do it). I’m a gear editor���it���s literally my job to talk about gear���and even I know it���s not a good look to lecture people about their kit.

Taking French fry breaks

Some days are for bell-to-bell skiing, others are for taking a few laps and then eating greasy resort food the rest of the day and hiding out from the rain (or cold, or crowds). If you’re not down to take a few breaks here and there���pass.

Rolling up to the resort parking lot with snowmobiles on their truck bed

We get it, you sled.

Making sure the new skier or snowboarder isn’t left behind

Hanging back with the slower or new skier in the group so they don’t feel excluded (instead of bombing down the hill to show off in front of everyone)? That physically turns me on.

Ski resort and gear stickers absolutely covering their car

One or two is fine, but covering your car with stickers from all your expensive gear and far-flung ski trips is a little braggy. To be honest, the car shown above is a slightly different vibe���more kooky and charming. Could even be a smash. But swap those hippie stickers with ones from Arc’teryx and heli-skiing operations? Pass.

*Specifically for dudes: Hyping up the girl squad

You���re right, we are good skiers, and it���s so much more fun for everyone when, instead of being threatened, you genuinely want to hang.

Saying ���no friends on a powder day��� unironically

Honestly, even saying it ironically is kind of annoying.

Sharing lift snacks

Bonus points if you help me finish my beer before the chair ride is done. Double bonus points if you have pocket bacon. Which is not to say I’ll eat anything you’ve stashed in your jacket���start pulling out carrots sticks and cold leftover garlic fries, and I’m out.

Heckling strangers from the chairlift

I love trolling my friends, but don���t be a dick to people you don���t know.

The post Ask A Skier: Are My On-Mountain Vibes a Smash or a Pass? appeared first on 窪蹋勛圖厙 Online.

It was two days before the Boston Marathon, and Emma Bates was completely freaking out. At a press conference the day before she told the whole world she was a contender to win and planned to stay with the lead pack.

Then the pressure of her announcement started getting to her.

���All of that pressure and all of the chaos that was going around me all just weighed in on me and then I just started crying and I had a breakdown of just pressure and stress,��� she says.

Luckily, she had someone with her to help: her boyfriend Steve Finley.

���I just let it all out and he just held me until I was able to get all of my tears out,��� says Bates, 30. ���And it was like 20 minutes of just full on shaking and crying and feeling out of control. And after that 20 minutes I felt fine. So it was just kind of like a release of emotions.���

She said she needed to get those emotions out of the way to focus and be relaxed and confident. Clearly it worked. Bates finished first among Americans, fifth overall in a new personal best of 2:22:10 and led the pack for several miles late in the race

And, it seemed, her boyfriend knew exactly how to help, despite the fact that he���s not a professional runner himself. In the running world, there are many famous elite running couples, from Adam and Kara Goucher to Sara and Ryan Hall. There are also relationships between runners and coaches, such as Brent and Sara Vaughn and Emma Coburn and Joe Bosshard.

Then there are runners like Bates. Her boyfriend is a runner���he founded the Brooklyn Track Club, works for Bandit Running and used to run professionally���but is no longer an elite competitor, and is not connected directly to Bates���s running career in any way.

She says that���s the perfect balance.

���He knows the pressures that I’m under and just how much I care about it, and so he’s just really good about being there and knowing exactly what I need at each moment and each phase of the days leading up, or weeks leading up, or hours leading up even to a race,��� she says. ���He’s also a coach, but he doesn’t coach me in any way. We don’t really talk about running any other time. It’s just more like just checking in, making sure I’m OK. He treats me like just a person. He doesn’t treat me like a runner or an athlete or anything like that. It’s just making sure that I’m supported in the way that I need to be.���

But, the fact that Finley is a runner means he still understands the way Bates needs to conduct her day to day, from nutrition to sleep to her mental state.

���It’s hard being friends or making friends or having relationships later in life just because people have their routines and their careers and they want to go out on weekends and that’s how people meet nowadays at our age, in our 30s,��� she says. ���And I can’t do that all the time. I’m not going to go out when I’m in full running mode. And so that’s really nice just to have somebody that understands I can’t do certain things because of my career.���

She and Finley met, coincidentally, at a bar, but at a bar during the 2016 U.S. Olympic Trials. It was at the Wild Duck Cafe in Eugene, Oregon.

���I didn’t know that Steve was a runner in any way, I just thought he was like a townie in Eugene, like just somebody random,��� Bates says. ���And so we had such a great connection there, but didn’t talk for years and ended up meeting back up again at the 2021 Trials at the Wild Duck.���

They���ve now been dating for a year, and Bates says Finley helps her stay calm before a race. On Saturday and Sunday before the Boston Marathon, he picked up food for her so she didn���t have to brave the crowds and hung out with her in the hotel room while she watched one of her favorite movies, Lord of the Rings.

RELATED: The Secrets to Dating a Non-Runner

 

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Having a Non-Running Partner

Other runners end up in relationships with people who have never been in the running world. That includes 2016 U.S. Olympian Kate Grace, who is married to Patrick O’Neil and has a two-month-old baby with him.

O���Neil worked in sales for Picky Bars, the company started by Oiselle-sponsored runner Lauren Fleshman and Hoka NAZ Elite runner Steph Bruce. Grace met O���Neil back in 2013 at a New Year���s Eve party when she was sponsored by Oiselle. But Grace says O���Neil doesn���t run much at all.

���He goes through bouts of running for exercise, but he���s not even an intense recreational runner,��� says Grace, 34, who lives in Boulder.

O���Neil was a high-level collegiate swimmer, another individual competitive sport, so Grace says he understands her career and the mindset that comes with it.

���For someone who’s not a runner, he’s been a very supportive partner almost because of his swimming background,��� she says.

 

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Grace says she and other elite runner friends Emily Infeld and Cory McGee also have husbands with backgrounds in college swimming and joke about it.

���We all say that if you’re not going to have a runner, you may as well have someone who works now but has had that background because they totally get the single-minded, individual sport focus and are very supportive of it, even though now they’re in business and don’t do anything with the sport,��� she says. ���The whole thing about the four-year cycle is very similar. Sometimes when you’re dating, people who just are so removed from this life sometimes don’t understand the amount of time it takes because you just think like, ���Oh, they should just go for a run and be done.��� It was very helpful for me that even though he was not a professional athlete or a runner, he understands just what it means to be a high level athlete in a sport like this.���

Grace and O���Neil started dating in 2015 and then less than a year later moved to Sacramento together so Grace could train for the 2016 U.S. Olympic Trials. She won the 800-meter finals and earned the chance to compete in the Rio de Janeiro Olympics.

���There was a positive feedback loop because I ended up making the team and doing well (in the Rio Olympics) and being top American, and it was just pretty obvious from the start that we were able to support each other and good things came when we did that,��� she says.

The couple is aligned on nutrition���Grace does the grocery shopping and O���Neil joins her in her carb- and protein-balanced meals. The bigger difference, she says, is in drinking and going out.

���I would say he’s had to make sacrifices in order to be my partner. He wouldn’t call them sacrifices, or maybe he would, but there’s a certain lifestyle that comes with it, since I’ve been a pro runner for my whole adult life,��� she says. ���Whereas my friends go frequently out to happy hours, I am at home. Initially, I would judge him for casual drinking, but I realized it’s actually me that was the unique one.���

Grace says O���Neil is also her support person during races and competitions, running around to get her coffee and food.

���There are so many rounds during our championships, so it was always a big thing for me to make sure I ate quickly after prelim, so he would have whatever rice bowl ready for me,��� she says. ���Stuff like that, where it’s very helpful, but non glamorous stuff. That has been great.���

賊楚郭插啦楚嗨:泭

A Long-distance Partner

Erika Kemp, who set a record for the fastest American-born Black woman at the Boston Marathon (2:33:57) and had the best marathon debut by an American woman in Boston, says her boyfriend Myles Dungan, a Captain in the U.S. Army, isn���t always able to be with her for big races like Boston because he���s stationed in Germany. After Kemp finished the marathon, she went to visit Duggan in Germany for two weeks, and trained while she was there.

���He’s very respectful and supportive, whereas in previous relationships I had, they treated my running as if it was more of a hobby, which is hurtful when it’s your full-time job,��� says Kemp, 28, who lives in Boston. ���You structure your entire day around your workouts, which can seem silly to some people, but having that understanding, having them also make it a priority.���

She says even when she���s in Germany, Duggan was looking for places for her to run.

���We want to do day trips, see some things and hang out with friends, but he’s always making sure that there is timing and space for me to do the work I need to do,��� she says.

Kemp met Duggan in high school���in freshman year Spanish class���and they dated throughout high school but then broke up junior year of college. Then in 2021, Kemp saw a TikTok video of Duggan jumping out of an airplane as a paratrooper. She reached out to him, they reconnected, and have been dating ever since.

 

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Duggan doesn���t run much, and Kemp says in high school they had trouble on a run together.

���Senior year he tore his ACL and was cleared to run, maybe two months before we went to college, but I needed to do my summer training, so I begged him to come with me, but he was a few months post-op, so he was so out of shape, and still struggling to walk, and I wasn’t very nice to him on that run,��� she says. ���So that was the one and only time we ever truly ran together because I couldn’t understand why he was so bad at it, but he was like, ���I just got cleared from surgery last week, give me a break.������

Now he runs once or twice a week, and they���ll occasionally run together if Kemp finds a nice trail. She says she���s eager for him to get a bike to go with her on runs, and he���s considering it.

Unlike other relationships, Kemp says Dugan has no problem with her being faster than him���though he insists he could beat her in a short distance sprint.

���He knows his limits, but he is so convinced that he can beat me in any distance under 400, which, potentially, but I run so much more than him, and so I don’t buy it,��� she says.

Sounds like she needs to challenge her boyfriend to a race.

RELATED: So I’m Dating An Ultrarunner

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Welcome to Tough Love. We���re answering your questions about dating, breakups, and everything in between. Our advice giver is Blair Braverman, dogsled racer and author of . Have a question of your own? Write to us at泭toughlove@outsideinc.com.

I love nature and sports and my husband is, how do I say it, more of a screen guy. He likes watching and re-watching shows and gaming, and he does so for several hours most days of the week. He contributes equally to finances and chores, so there isn���t a problem with his household contribution, but I can���t help feeling that he���s wasting his life away when he���s young and healthy and he���ll someday regret it. I also feel like being outdoors is inherently good and he does so little of it. Is there a nice way for me to say something without being a nag?

When I was a kid, my dad was very concerned with me being productive. He had a mental list of productive activities (reading, art, schoolwork, socializing with friends, any sort of sport, and so on) and non-productive activities (���you���ll know,��� he told me), and though I wasn���t forbidden from doing the latter, I could usually sense his unease until I switched to something from the first list. Eventually I hacked the system, because I realized that the activity he thought was most productive���above all else���was thinking. When I heard his footprints coming down the hall, I���d hide the catalog I was flipping through (or whatever else ���unproductive��� task I was engaged in) and simply sit on the floor with my hands in my lap, doing nothing. Then, when he asked what I was doing, I���d say I was thinking. Thinking! He was immediately excited. Did I need anything?, he���d ask. A glass of water? And when I shook my head, sagely, he would scurry away���loathe to keep interrupting���and I���d have a few solid hours of time to amuse myself in peace.

As an adult, I���ve often reflected on this expectation of productivity, which was one of my defining experiences of childhood (and which has since become an ongoing joke with my dad). Overall, I think it served me well, with a few big caveats���namely that when I���m sick and can���t do things, I feel terrible about myself, which is not super conducive to either recovery or self-esteem. And while my father���s broad definition of productivity would certainly include resting when you need it, I���ve found it helpful to come up with my own personal guideline for activities���a little check-in, if you will. I ask myself: Is this activity productive, or restful, or fun? If yes to any of those, I keep at it. If no, I might start thinking about changing course sooner rather than later. (Incidentally, most of the things I choose to do fall into one of those three categories���and the ones that don���t, like doomscrolling on my phone, tend to make me feel actively bad if I do them for too long. So the check-in is a good reminder to put down the phone and go for a walk or call a friend instead.)

I suspect you see where I���m going with this. Is your husband experiencing his television and gaming time as fun? If so, then it���s a positive thing in his life! It might be different from your idea of fun, but one person���s fun isn���t better or worse than someone else���s; it���s just a matter of taste. The only change needed here is for you to do some reflection about why your husband���s recreational activities bother you so much, and how you can learn to relax and let go about it, both for your sake and his���I think you���ll both be a lot happier. (And for what it���s worth, when I mentioned your question to my dad, he said “Studies have shown that video games have a number of tangible benefits!��� So there you go: even Mr. Productivity gives your husband the stamp of approval.)

If your husband isn���t experiencing the television or games as fun, then I���d be slightly concerned. Not because there���s something wrong with what he���s doing, but because he might be using it to cope with something else, like depression or burnout. In that case, the shows and games might still be helping him, because sometimes the best thing you can do for your health is literally anything that helps you get through a hard day, week, or year. But if his habits have changed recently, or you notice other ways that he���s struggling, it���s worth checking in on how he���s feeling, and asking if there���s any way you can support him in getting help.

Now, I want to address the last thing you said, about the outdoors being inherently good. That���s something I agree with strongly. I think just about anyone could benefit from a greater connection with fresh air and nature���but I don���t presume to suppose what that connection should look like.

Instead, I think of the benefits of nature as being similar to the benefits of, say, music. A connection to music can enrich just about anyone���s life, but the details of that connection itself are highly individual. Some people play an instrument���and of those, some love drums and others love viola. Some people sing for a living, and others sing only in the shower, or when something good comes on the radio. Some people listen to metal and others like folk. But regardless of what someone���s connection to music looks like, it���s almost always a force for good in their lives, in part泭because泭it���s so personal.

That���s like nature. There���s no one relationship to it that���s right. You may have an intense and active connection to the outdoors, and your husband���s may be far subtler���maybe he grows succulents, or loves cats, or enjoys thunderstorms, or looks up throughout the day to smile at hummingbirds through the window. If you want to nourish his connection to nature and the outdoors, it���s worth figuring out what that interest actually is���what he thrives on���and doing what you can to support it (get a new hummingbird feeder!). It may look incredibly different than yours, but that doesn���t mean it���s worse. It���s his, and for that reason alone, it���s perfect.

The post I Love the Outdoors, but My Husband���s a Screen Guy appeared first on 窪蹋勛圖厙 Online.

Is there something about adventure and risk that opens our hearts? Absolutely. In this episode, created in concert with an 窪蹋勛圖厙泭, we bring you tales of romances that bloomed outdoors. You���ll hear about two ultrarunners who fell for each other during a 60-mile dash through the Alps, a high-altitude climber who led her wary date down iced-over ski runs (it all worked out eventually), a pair of whitewater kayakers whose attraction for one other caused them to ignore an approaching forest fire, and a cyclist who suffered a brutal accident that led him back to his soulmate.

This episode is brought to you by Aruba, an island in the Caribbean that offers so much more than a vacation. Learn more about what awaits you at this very special destination at .

The post How We Find Love in Wild Places appeared first on 窪蹋勛圖厙 Online.

Looking for love online can be challenging whether your dating pool is Manhattan or Missoula. Even if you match with someone attractive who checks your boxes, there���s no guarantee you���ll get past the pen-pal stage and meet up IRL���or that you���ll be compatible if you do.

Things get even more interesting when 聆棗喝���r梗 trying to find someone who shares your passion for 5 A.M. dawn patrols and multi-day sufferfests. In general, people try to present what one study called an ������ on dating apps���in other words, a version of you that is honest, but extra shiny. When you start scrolling through hundreds of users who are all curating like hell to represent their best outdoorsy selves, patterns inevitably emerge. Some make sense: the fourteener summit pic is the Denver equivalent of the standard car selfie. Others are genuinely curious: what���s up with all the photos of the women in front of ?

We consulted a group of veteran swipers to help us identify some of the most common outdoorsy types on dating apps. Our panel of experts includes a vanlifer who dates on the road, a founder of a dating app, and several regular people just trying to find love in cities like Seattle and Chattanooga and mountain towns like Silverton and Truckee. Our panelists use apps including Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, Meet Mindful, Scruff, Grindr, and Lex.

ISO that special adventure partner? Here are the characters���and caricatures���聆棗喝���r梗 likely to encounter.

The Yogi

The type: Photographed performing dancer pose at Machu Picchu, an inversion on a paddleboard, or a heart opener in front of a glowing alpine sunrise. Probably doesn���t eat meat. Loves a good hot- flow class! Swipe right if: 聆棗喝���r梗 also living mindfully and in the moment.

From the panel: ���I definitely feel like there���s a yoga type. [scrolling] Oh yeah, see���the yoga on the stand-up paddleboard. They definitely mark泭���spiritual��� for their religion. [scrolls more] Oh wow, this chick���s actually kinda cute. [swipes right]���

The Transplant

The type: This person just moved to your town and wants you to ���Show me around! Take me on your favorite adventures!��� Looking for: ���friends, activity buddies, dates!��� Literally anyone!

From the panel: ���They just want a tour guide. They���ll dump you in six months once they know how to drive to all the trailheads.���

The Fish Guy/Gal

The type: Guy holding a fish he just caught. He generally falls into one of two subcategories: the guy holding a really tiny fish from that one time he tried it (he���s open to new experiences!); and the serious fly-fisher who might be on the river in every single photo. High likelihood he���s also wearing polarized shades and a trucker hat throughout the entire collection, leaving you wondering what he actually looks like.

From the panel: ���Research found that on our dating app���and this was especially true for guys���having a soft cuddly creature in your photo correlated with a higher percentage of being liked. Guys who had photos of their Saint Bernard on their hikes did better. But having a fish in your profile didn���t. It seemed to be furry animals, and furry animals that you hadn���t just killed.���

The Pit Viper Bro/Bra

The type: These specimens wear Pit Vipers, catch air, and shotgun beers in their photos, often all at the same time. Profile says: ���Looking for someone who can keep up��� or ���Must be able to hang.��� If it���s a guy, he has a handlebar mustache. If it���s a woman, she���s wearing jorts and/or a crop top.

From the panel: ���They���re definitely not looking for a serious relationship.���

The Person Who���s Already in a Relationship with Their Dog

The type: There are dog people and then there are…these people. Here she is in the car with her dog in her lap. Here he is hiking with his dog. Here���s a photo of her SUPing with a dog onboard wearing a cute PFD that makes the dog look like a shark. Oh, here���s a photo of just the dog.

From the panel: ���There���s definitely a ���dog dad��� or ���dog mom.��� It���s a package deal: ���It���s not just me, it���s me and my dog, and that���s very important to me.������

���I love dogs, but I don���t really want to date some dog you got with your ex.���

The Hardcore Athlete

The type: This person is up-front about what he or she is looking for. ���I like to run so I hope you do too.��� ���I like to climb so I hope you do too.��� The main profile photo is likely to include Lycra, a helmet, or a harness. A variation of this type is the Endurance Athlete: she is currently training for an Ironman or a marathon. His profile picture is a race photo that may include the line ���Early to bed, early to shred.���

From the panel: ���I feel like there are people where their outdoor sports are their entire personality. There was one guy on Hinge and every single prompt was about climbing. Ask me about: climbing. My deal breakers are: people who don���t climb. What I want to do with my life: climb. I matched with him, and I was like, ���It seems like 聆棗喝���r梗 really into climbing.��� And he was like, ���Yep.��� And after that I was like, ���What do we talk about now?��� And I���m a climber!���

The River Rat

The type: Lives in her vehicle (which is a Subaru, duh) and may have multicolored hair. Includes at least one photo of her surfing a wave and also a selfie in her PFD, smiling at the takeout. She just got the hottest old-school boat���a Siren or an Ace.

From the panel: ���Her favorite thing to do on a weekend is a doubleheader on the Middle Ocoee. She might also mention when her last Grand Canyon trip was.���

The Mountain-Man Thirst Trap

The type: One gay panelist identified this sporty, alpine variation on the bare-chested urban bachelor often seen on apps like Grindr and Scruff. This type is identifiable by his shiny six-pack abs and perfectly manscaped pecs, which he enthusiastically flaunts in front of wild, dramatic landscapes.

From the panel: ���There are still a lot of shirtless photos. But he���s showcasing more of his activities. There���s a photo of him SUPing, a shirtless photo of him in a desert somewhere.���

The 窪蹋勛圖厙 Girl

The type: This person is identifiable primarily by her unbridled enthusiasm: ���Let���s go on an adventure!��� Or maybe she orders her adventure the way she orders her latte: ���窪蹋勛圖厙, please.��� What kind of adventure, you might ask: Alpine boondoggle? Forty-eight-hour trip to Cabo? Unclear. But she loves it!

From the panel: ���This guy was telling me all the women he sees online all have the word ���adventure��� in their profile���and I was like, Shit, I have that in my profile. But it���s such a good word!���

The Hustler

The type: He���s a musician, a sushi chef, an endurance athlete, an entrepreneur, and a world traveler. He���s attractive and has a lot of interesting photos, like that one where he���s doing tricks on his snowboard. Frankly, he���s a little intimidating. He may or may not respond, since he���s just using the app as a Plan B���he doesn���t really have any problem meeting people IRL.

From the panel: ���Everything is go, go, go. The profile is like, Come along on my journey. I messaged with a guy like this and he told me, ���I might not return your texts when you need me to, because I���m off the grid really unplugging all the time.������

The Peak Bagger

The type: Easily identified by the cardboard summit sign in their profile photo: ���Mount Elbert: 14,440 feet.��� May casually mention that they���ve summited Kilimanjaro or are working on their .泭���Must love: early-morning wake-ups.��� ���We won���t get along if: you like to stay up late.��� The Pacific Northwest variation on this type is known as The Waterfall Chaser.

From the panel: ���In Denver, every guy has a cardboard fourteener sign in his profile photo. It���s like the outdoorsy equivalent of going to brunch.���

The Influencer

The type: No selfies here: the influencer only has professional-quality photos. He clearly pals around with photographers, because every image is beautiful and glowy. High likelihood of a handsome, close-up laughing shot. Wants to know what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life. Definitely works in the outdoor industry.泭

From the panel: ���All of their pictures are way prettier than all your pictures. They probably have ten photos or more. This is the opposite of the single-gym-selfie person.���

The Reluctant Outdoorsperson

The type: Posts one outdoorsy photo of himself���probably hiking���because he lives in a mountain town and doesn���t want to be excluded from the dating pool. Will tolerate the outdoors and can go on a hike but would really rather not.

From the panel: ���I���ve seen women who will actually just say, ���I���m not outdoorsy, and I don���t want to go for a hike. Ask me on a real date.��� I kind of respect that, actually.���

The post The 13 Outdoorsy Types You���ll Find on Dating Apps appeared first on 窪蹋勛圖厙 Online.

Welcome to泭Tough Love. We���re answering your questions about dating, breakups, and everything in between. Our advice giver is泭Blair Braverman, dogsled racer and author of泭. Have a question of your own? Write to us at泭toughlove@outsideim.com.

I���m planning a long backpacking trip for this summer (around 300 miles). It���s my first solo trip of that length and I have been planning it for about a year. I also started dating a guy this spring and so far everything has been great. I thought he was supportive of my trip, but he broke down the other day and told me that he���s uncomfortable with it. He says it���s hard for him to watch because he���s never done a trip like that himself, and it makes him feel like, as his girlfriend, I���m trying to ���one-up��� him. I feel grateful he told me, but I���m not sure what to do because I can also feel his tension now while I���m planning. He knows that what he feels isn���t right, and he says it���s good practice for him to work through it, but I���m not sure how to support him and myself at the same time.

There���s a lot that could be said about the pressures of masculinity, the weight that those expectations put on men, and the constant work of negotiating and unlearning sexism. But acknowledging those pressures doesn���t mean your boyfriend is fighting them. In fact, simply acknowledging problems can be a way of trying to get credit without taking hard steps to fix them. And even if he���s trying to change, which I���m not convinced of, you don���t have to support him through that journey at the same time as he���s undermining yours. After a few months, people are generally still on their best behavior���which means I���d hate to see this guy���s worst. Break up now and you���ll have a whole lot less psychic weight to carry in your pack.

My friend posts everything on social media, seriously everything. Whatever we do, she posts pictures of it, and if something doesn���t go right or she has an argument with her boyfriend, she posts vague passive-aggressive updates to get people to ask what���s wrong. She is also regularly getting into online feuds and tells me all about them. I have asked her clearly not to post about me when we do things together, because I am a more private person and I would prefer if she didn���t, but she still does about half the time. I confronted her and she said, ���If you don���t like it, tell me and I���ll take it down,��� but I don���t want to have to do that after things have already been up. She has said before that if someone has nothing to hide, then they shouldn���t mind being posted about, and if someone wrongs her then they deserve to be shamed. I love her but find myself pulling back from her because I feel like everything she does is for show.

At this point in the evolution of the Internet, it���s basic etiquette when posting things on social media泭to ask permission from the other people involved. Posting a photo of your friend? Run it by her and make sure she feels good about it. Tagging other people at a private location? Check to see if they have any objections. People���s泭comfort levels vary a lot, and when it comes to broadcasting information about them to the world, it���s polite to avoid泭assumptions. Plus, not everyone���s preferences are intuitive. For instance, as someone with a larger audience on Twitter, I tend to post updates with a slight delay, because I���m not comfortable with people knowing my location in real time (especially when I���m out in the woods). The need for those boundaries is aggravated with a more public account, but I tend to think that with the internet, erring on the side of caution is a useful practice for anyone.泭

You can���t control what your friend posts about herself on social media, nor should you try; that���s completely her business. But she should respect your business and your privacy, too���and if she repeatedly disrespects your requests, even after you���ve communicated them clearly, it���s a red flag. Unfortunately, you have to assume at this point that she���s not going to stop posting about you. So you have to decide, essentially, if her friendship is worth those violations, however big or small they may be. If you stay close with her, you will be posted about���maybe that's livable, but it could also feel gross if you���ve explicitly asked her not to. If 聆棗喝���r梗 still uncomfortable with that, then it might be time to distance yourself and invest your emotional energy泭in泭people who are truly respectful of your wishes. I���d recommend distancing yourself slowly and non-dramatically, though, rather than having泭a big confrontation about it���unless you want your confrontation to become internet fodder, too.

The post So Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want You to Backpack Solo appeared first on 窪蹋勛圖厙 Online.

Welcome to泭Tough Love. We���re answering your questions about dating, breakups, and everything in between. Our advice giver is泭Blair Braverman, dogsled racer and author of泭. Have a question of your own? Write to us at泭toughlove@outsideim.com.

Any advice for someone whose partner is really into dressing and accessorizing the dog? It seems undignified, because the dog doesn���t know any better. He hardly goes anywhere without an outfit anymore, even for walks or drives. Is there a gentle way to ask her to ease up on the dog clothes?

One of the great things about dogs is that they don���t care about the same things people do. They literally eat each other���s poop. They roll in carcasses. They hump the furniture in front of guests. There are a lot of things dogs care about���attention, love, exercise, comfort���but dignity isn���t one of them. In fact, if a dog goes for a walk in a T-shirt, and that makes more people stop to pet him, he probably loves it. He doesn���t know that his shirt says BUTT SNIFFER. He���s just glad for the attention.

Obviously if a dog dislikes wearing clothes, or if certain garments are uncomfortable, that���s an important reason not to wear them. And there are appropriate times for different dog outfits, just like there are appropriate times for different human outfits. There���s an inherent goofiness to dog clothing that could seem disrespectful at solemn events, for instance, or professional workplaces. But most of those places don���t welcome dogs anyway, and if your dog wears a bow tie to a dog-friendly wedding, there are few people who will think less of you. They���ll probably get a kick out of it. At most, they���ll think that you and your partner are really into your dog, and there are far worse reputations.

If it really bothers you for the dog to wear outfits constantly, you could try a strategy straight from dog-training manuals and focus on putting your partner���s behavior on cue. That is, work with her to develop a time and place for dog costumes, and be sure 聆棗喝���r梗 celebrating and rewarding them at those times. She could set up an Instagram account and post weekly dog outfits, or come up with festive costumes for seasonal events. If your partner is focused on dressing the dog for specific purposes���and if she feels your full support in doing so���she might not care as much about dressing the dog every single day.

If 聆棗喝���r梗 worried that people will think that 聆棗喝���r梗 the one dressing the dog���if that doesn���t vibe with your personality or whatever���you can make clear around other people that it���s your partner���s thing: ���Let���s see the outfit Hannah came up with today!���

But if you do that, it has to be earnest, not disdainful or passive-aggressive. You should regard your partner���s enthusiasms with your own delight, and make sure other people can tell that 聆棗喝���r梗 proud of her.

After all, we���re all looking for our little joys, and your partner found one that she and the dog both enjoy. If it���s not hurting anyone, and it makes your loved ones happy, then it���s worth learning to embrace.

I don���t know how else to say this, but my boyfriend of six months growls in bed. I think it started from an inside joke about bears, but I���m泭not even sure anymore. The first time it took me by surprise,泭so I burst out laughing. But ever since then, he continued to growl occasionally while we���re泭in bed together. It is maybe once a week or so. I think he thinks it���s funny and sexy, and I don���t know how to tell him that it���s not very sexy at all.

Part of having fun in bed together is being able to goof around, and trusting your partner to be honest about what they like or don���t like. It���s not that you both have to love everything you try; it���s that 聆棗喝���r梗 always communicating, and that you can experiment and have fun in ways that are safe and comfortable for everyone. It���s basically a space of play.

So unless your boyfriend is uncommonly secure, it will sting to hear that you���ve been turned off by one of his moves this whole time. It could open up a whole box of other insecurities: What else have you been thinking in bed, but not saying? How can he know that when you say you like something, you really do? In this case, your best course of action may come down to how much you dislike the growling. If it���s actively stressing you out, then it���s definitely worth having a conversation (out of bed) and explaining the situation. But if you just find it silly, it might not be worth a confrontation.

That���s not to say you should live with the growling forever. But unless growling is your boyfriend���s particular kink (and if it is, it���s a fairly innocuous one), it���s probably something he���s doing to make you laugh, because you laughed the first time and that made him happy and he wants to keep being happy together. In that case, try to focus more on communicating what you really do like. Tell him (or show him) when he does things you think are hot or sweet or funny. Be explicit in your praise. My hunch is that if he���s being rewarded for other moves, those other moves will start taking over pretty fast. And when 聆棗喝���r梗 communicating well, and having that much fun together, you might not even mind the occasional goofy grr.

The post The Case for Dressing Your Dog in Goofy Outfits appeared first on 窪蹋勛圖厙 Online.

Welcome to泭Tough Love. We���re answering your questions about dating, breakups, and everything in between. Our advice giver is泭Blair Braverman, dogsled racer and author of泭. Have a question of your own? Write to us at泭toughlove@outsideim.com.

I met my partner on a dating site about two years ago and we clicked because of our common love for triathlon. The start of lockdown was great. With few other distractions, we could run and cycle to our hearts��� content, and we did.

However, nine months ago she injured her knee, and that injury has become chronic. She���s tried everything from physio to steroid and botox injections but her injury isn���t getting better. She has become depressed and resents me exercising. I have exercised less and resent my lost fitness.

We���ve talked about it a lot, and although she says she doesn���t mind me exercising, she clearly does. I want her to seek help for depression but don���t know how to sensitively bring this up.

We moved in together during lockdown and she is keen to buy something together. I���m concerned this relationship is falling apart and I���m not ready to commit. I keep trying to see a way forward but I think we might both be better off without the relationship. Can you shine any light on the matter?

Since running and triathlon are out of my wheelhouse, I reached out to泭, an ultramarathoner, for her advice. Her heart goes out to what your partner is going through.

���For people who do long endurance events, I think a lot of us share the idea that pushing our limits is a really meaningful way to find joy in life,��� she says. ���Like the BIG kind of joy. It feels good physically doing it, but there���s the bigger notion of molding ourselves���mentally and physically���to reach things we couldn���t without the work. I liken the work of training to something like a religion, because there���s something very spiritual about it. There���s suffering and transcendence and sacrifice. It���s not the same, but there are elements there. And when that gets taken from you, it can be devastating. I have had injuries like that���I couldn���t run for three or four years because of a gruesome injury and strings of surgeries and recovery. It was awful.���

She recommends that your partner see a sports psychologist, who will be able to treat her depression and speak to her emotional needs as an athlete. Depression isn���t a weakness or a character flaw, so 聆棗喝���r梗 not insulting your partner by bringing up this suggestion. That said, if you haven���t spoken much about mental health together, she may feel self-conscious during the conversation. So your best bet is to be kind but direct, and to make sure 聆棗喝���r梗 speaking from a place of love rather than one of frustration. You can say that you���ve seen how much she���s suffering, and you wonder if it might be helpful for her to talk to a doctor about what she���s going through. If she���s open to it, you should offer to help her make an appointment, as that can be a daunting first step for someone who���s struggling.

Then there���s the issue of your partner resenting your exercise, or the fact that you feel she does. It���s hard for me to gauge how this dynamic plays out. If she truly wants you to miss out on the things you love most, that reflects a far deeper problem. But I suspect that, if 聆棗喝���r梗 correct in sensing that泭she���s unhappy about your exercising, it���s not because she wishes you weren���t doing it; it���s because she wishes she could, too. Jen adds, ���If missing time together泭is part of her resentment, it���s worth thinking about how you can adapt, too. Can you do overnight workouts? Or split them between early morning and late evening, to allow more time with her.���

She also points out that if your partner���s injury is her knee, ���there���s plenty of stuff she can do that allows her to work toward challenging goals, compete, and train. She could shift to long distance swimming (if that works), or rowing/kayaking may allow her to eventually regain her workouts. And from my experience, even years of struggle may resolve with good physical therapy and medical support. A year seems like a long time, but lots of injuries take longer. That means hope for her still.���

If you and your partner are both committed, and put in the emotional effort, I think you could work through this. A tough period, especially during a pandemic, doesn���t mean that things will always be tough. And even if your relationship looks different than it did a year ago, it could still be healthy and positive���with your partner processing her grief, so she can cheer for your triathlons, and you supporting her in the ongoing challenges of her injury, as well as encouraging her other interests, which will likely evolve as she learns her new options and limits.

But here���s the thing: from your letter, I���m not sure you want to make things work. It sounds like maybe 聆棗喝���r梗 looking for a way out. If that���s the case, it���s OK. You moved in together a year ago���possibly sooner than you would have otherwise, because of the pandemic. And it���s not the relationship you thought it would be. If 聆棗喝���r梗 unhappy, and you know that you don���t want to make the kinds of commitments that your partner is looking for, then the kindest thing is to end the relationship gently and swiftly, without dragging things out or making promises you don���t intend to keep.泭

One note: if there���s even a tiny part of you that wants to leave because it���s too stressful to be around someone whose body isn���t performing to the athletic standard that she and you expect it to, then I���d strongly encourage you to talk to a psychologist yourself���out of respect for your current partner, for possible future partners, and for your own sake, too. Athletes get injured; bodies change, sometimes a lot. It���s no more fair to expect otherwise than it is to begrudge a partner���s passions just because you can���t participate. Whatever happens, you should be ready to support your partner through all their ups and downs���and you deserve someone who will do the same for you.

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