Sex outdoors, in some remote but nonetheless publicly accessible forest getaway? Let s face it, you’ve never really mastered it indoors, so why complicate an already risky undertaking?
Well, because sex among wildflowers, near waterfalls, in sandy nooks and woody copses, is a deep-rooted primal fantasy, a timeless insurrection against modesty that’s notoriously tough to suppress. People, after all, were kicked out of paradise for this.
Here, then, we dangle the forbidden fruit, a perfectly diabolical cheat sheet of all the goods you need for a sizzling backcountry tryst from performance lingerie to a portable, warm shower for two.
Adam and Eve never had it so good.
Lighting
Your escape has to start with the right ambiance.
Uco Candlelier ($33.95): No question, a few well-placed candles can set the mood so that sparks fly later. To bring ambiance to the woods, try the : a clever three-candle lantern that’s amazingly bright, and at just over one pound, pretty easy on the back. It’s all you need to put the right light on a late-night dinner under the stars. If you’ve really got your stuff together, try arranging wildflowers around the Candlelier to kick your romance quotient up a notch.
Some Bubbly Before Bed
Relax with a glass of champagne
GSI Lexan Champagne Flute ($5.95): Alcohol “provokes and unprovokes,” noted a porter in Macbeth, before lamenting that what it unprovoked could really hurt a guy’s feelings. Pay heed to the porter’s warning and go easy on the drink—but you don’t have to leave it behind. To celebrate your love over bubbly (without breaking out the Sierra cups), serve Moet Chandon or Veuve Cliquot in . It’s more refined than the collapsible variety (though the stem is detachable, for packing ease), and almost impossible to break.
Cooking Up Love
Recipes for romance coming right up
Simple Foods For the Pack ($19.50, paperback): It may be true that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but a fine meal is also effective for working your mojo with the ladies. See if your sweetheart doesn’t swoon over a trailside meal of Moroccan couscous, salmon in tomato-orange sauce, and walnut spice cake. The camp stove recipes for all of these and 180 more tempting victuals can be found in the Sierra Club’s book , written with the help of Cordon Bleu-trained chef, Diana Cooke.
Your Romantic Suite
Get some privacy in the woods
Marmot Mercury Tent ($299): Ah, the domicile. The ol’ hearth. The bucolic nookie-nest… Where to retire to, if the stars are all aligned? We think the is ideal: It offers plenty of room for two (35 square feet), is lightweight (five pounds, four ounces), and provides superb weather protection. It has a big D-shaped front door for access and ventilation, plus a roomy vestibule for storing boots and packs. DAC Featherlite poles provide rock-like stability without adding ounces, and the poles have a “knee-bend” that creates more vertical interior walls and a roomier-feeling tent. And, like a lot of tents these days, the Mercury has two see-through windows in the fly. But they’re discreetly placed so passersby can’t easily see inside—which is probably a good thing.
Getting Cozy
Room for two with a zip
Feathered Friends Sandpiper 30, 3.1 pounds ($320 with Pertex Quantum shell), and Couple Kit ($7) You’re not going camping together to sleep in separate little nylon jails. So don’t take two sleeping bags and hurt each other wrestling with the zippers. Get Sandpiper 30, unzip it, then attach it to Feathered Friends’ Toucan Ultralight Ground Cover ($49). The result: A warm, super-comfortable, roomy bed-for-two. For sleeping pads—trust me, you’ll need them—purchase two Performance UltraLite pads ($70 each) and attach them to each other with a ($7).
Rest on Clouds
Pamper with pillows
Quixote Goose Down Pillow, 8.5 ounces (size large, $43): You’ve hiked, you’ve climbed, you’ve made dinner, you’ve made whoopee… Now treat your camp buddy to bedtime bliss with ’s packable Goose Down Pillow. It’s soft as a dream with a durable, water-resistant polyester shell, and will ensure you’re well rested for the morning’s activities—whatever they might be.