Everything you need to know about tonight's Olympic primetime coverage—without knowing what actually happened.
MEN'S INDIVIDUAL ALL-AROUND GYMNASTICS
Japan’s Kohei Uchimura comes into the competition as the favorite, considered by many to be the greatest male gymnast of all time. The 23-year-old (remember, “gymnast age” is a less severe version of “dog years”) has won the last three World Championships in the event, but he only came away with a silver in Beijing. Uchimura suffers a massive fall in one event, but can he overcome that and take home gold? American John Orozco, who had a nightmare performance in the team competition, and Brit Daniel Purvis are also expected to challenge for gold. The medal stand ends up with a couple surprises, but the winner is never truly in doubt.
MEN'S 200M INDIVIDUAL MEDLEY (SEMIFINALS)
It’s Lochte! It’s Phelps! Possible Armageddon! Just kidding. Maybe tomorrow, NBC.
MEN'S 200M BREASTSTROKE
Japan’s Kosuke Kitajima had dominated this stroke in the past two Olympics, winning both the 100m and 200m breastroke golds in Athens and in Beijing. His reign came to an end when he finished fourth in the 100m a few days ago in London. In this race, Kitajima jumps out to an early lead and is ahead of world-record pace after 100 meters, but can he hang on? Hungary’s Daniel Gyurta had the strongest preliminary time, while Kitajima’s countryman Ryo Tateishi also hopes to be on the medal stand. It’s a close race between first and second, and the winner ends up setting a record. Watch this if you enjoy athletics.
WOMEN'S 200M BUTTERFLY
Liu Zige of China comes into the event as the world-record holder, but the field is generally wide open. Americans Kathleen Hersey and Cammile Adams both qualified for the finals—if that’s a necessary viewing requirement for you. The lead changes a bunch of times, and the winner doesn’t really come on strong until the end, but she leaves the pool with a record-setting time. While there maybe aren't any marquee names here (to the casual or non-fan, at least), it’s really just a fun race. If you don’t enjoy swimming, don’t watch. But then you probably wouldn’t be reading this anyway, so never mind.
MEN'S 100M BUTTERFLY
This is maybe the best race of the Olympics so far. Australia’s James “The Missile” Magnusssen and American Nathan “American Swimmers Don’t Have to Name Themselves After Heavy Artillery” Adrian come in as favorites, and neither one disappoints. First- and second-place are separated by .01 seconds. If you aren’t a dead person, do whatever it takes to watch this race. You know what? Even if you are dead—I am sorry you died—but that's also no excuse to not watch this race.
WOMEN'S 4X200M FREESTYLE
As tends to be the case in swimming relays, Australia and the U.S. are the favorites. Missy Franklin leads off for the Americans, and, at this point, MISSY FRANKLIN. Allison Schmitt, the runaway winner in the individual 200m freestyle, swims the anchor for the U.S. It’s a close race for the first three legs, but the winner pulls away with a dominant last leg en route to another record-setting time in a night filled with them.