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You鈥檝e gotta get those pups out of your bedroom.
You鈥檝e gotta get those pups out of your bedroom. (Photo: Mosuno/Stocksy)
Tough Love

When Your Dog Cramps Your, Ahem, Bedroom Activities

We answer your cohabitation and codependency questions this week

Published: 
You鈥檝e gotta get those pups out of your bedroom.
(Photo: Mosuno/Stocksy)

New perk: Easily find new routes and hidden gems, upcoming running events, and more near you. Your weekly Local Running Newsletter has everything you need to lace up! .

Welcome to Tough Love. Every other week, we鈥檙e answering your questions about dating, breakups, and everything in between. Our advice giver is Blair Braverman, dogsled racer and author of . Have a question of your own? Write to us at toughlove@outsidemag.com.


What鈥檚 the best way to maintain the 鈥渕ood鈥 when codependent pups are always in your bed?

You鈥檝e gotta get those pups out of your bedroom. Get them a kennel in the living room, and bribe them with soup bones or a new toy鈥攐r, heck, hire a dog walker if you need to. Dogs in bed are great, but so is sex in bed, and sometimes your human needs have to come first.


How do I show my partner that I appreciate and want to participate in (to the extent that I can) his passions when I鈥檓 not as outdoorsy as he is?

Put down your phone when he walks in from a hike. Ask questions. Listen to his stories鈥攁nd since he鈥檚 probably sore, give him a back rub while he tells them. Learn about his goals, and take the time celebrate his achievements. Read a book about his hero, or choose an outdoorsy movie for your next date night. Even if you don鈥檛 join his outdoor adventures, you can both appreciate the joy and excitement he brings home.


My wife loves to dirtbag it when we travel/hike, but I can tell she secretly loves when we indulge in a hotel room now and again. Why not admit it?

Dirtbagging is fun and comfort is wonderful; there鈥檚 no reason a person can鈥檛 appreciate both. But loving someone can occasionally mean knowing the things they can鈥檛 bring themselves to admit and giving them what they鈥檙e afraid to ask for. Take the lead on getting a hotel room the next few times you鈥檙e traveling, but don鈥檛 make a big deal out of it. Maybe, with time, your wife will admit that she sometimes likes a soft bed. But even if she never says it, she鈥檒l be glad when you suggest the indulgence, and you can enjoy having a secret way to make her day.


I convinced a friend to join a walk/run-to-5K training program, and while we were at the same place at first, she gained more speed over the year and eventually ditched me as a training partner for newer/faster friends. Is it ever OK to ditch a training partner because they can鈥檛 keep up?

Sure. Inasmuch as she鈥檚 looking for someone, in this case, to push her athletically, it鈥檚 fine for her to find a workout group that鈥檚 a better fit for her鈥攂ut that鈥檚 no excuse to be a jerk. She should still jog with you sometimes, or meet you on adjacent treadmills at the gym, or even help you find a partner who鈥檚 more your speed. These aren鈥檛 the duties of a training buddy; they鈥檙e the duties of a friend. And if she doesn鈥檛 have the etiquette to be a good friend, then she鈥檚 not the training buddy you want anyway.


When singles go camping with couples, why is it OK for half of a couple (that half is always the man, in my experience) to sit around while the other half cooks and cleans up? The women-half tell me it鈥檚 鈥渏ust easier that way.鈥 As the single, I find it unfair. Everyone needs to pitch in.

The women-half are right: It is easier that way. It鈥檚 far simpler to wash a few dishes in a river than it is to teach a loved one to confront his outdated sense of gendered entitlement. Depending on the personalities involved, you could try acknowledging the dynamic with some gentle teasing鈥斺淪o you鈥檙e just gonna sit there and let the women clean, huh?鈥濃攂ut your best bet is probably to ask directly: 鈥淗ey, Hank, if we cook tonight, are you up for washing the dishes?鈥

That is, if you decide it鈥檚 worth it to raise a stink鈥攁nd honestly, it might not be. Part of being a couple is dividing up chores; it鈥檚 possible that, at home, the women in these particular couples always cook, so that鈥檚 what feels most natural to them. And part of camping is dividing up chores鈥攔egardless of everyone鈥檚 romantic status. I bet there are moments when other people have built a fire that you鈥檝e enjoyed, or made enough coffee for the group, or even scouted out a day hike in advance. Try to appreciate those moments and let go of your need to keep score. If the division of chores bothers you so much that you can鈥檛 enjoy the trip, then maybe you should find other camping companions (or try camping alone). But if you love these people, put your annoyance in perspective: You鈥檙e taking the time to explore together, and you鈥檒l all be home with your own dishes soon enough.

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